I finally did it. I covered this song that has been intimidating me and inspiring me since it was released three months ago. I am so blown away by the beauty of some music that I am too afraid to share my humble rendition. But here it is, my cover of Hello by Adele.
I don’t know why, what is the worst that could happen? Everyone hates what I do and I feel humiliated, but then life keeps moving and things get better. I feel the happiness and beauty that is REAL in every day, despite the disappointments that are lurking in the shadows. I don’t have to look in the shadows. I don’t have to check in the closet for monsters right? But sometimes I do and it’s scary.
It’s scary to think that I will pursue music my whole life and never realize success in the way I hoped. Yes I know success is relative to your expectations, past experience, weaknesses, life circumstance, etc. BUT I still have this idea of how things should play out and it’s scary to think that they might not.
It is scary to think about the possibility that everything I do doesn’t really matter. I am making a huge deal out of nothing.
It is scary to think that I will never realize my full potential.
It is scary to think that maybe I am not the perfect mother. I don’t want to mess things up and I want Zoey to have the absolute best, but I get tired, frustrated, confused… I told myself I wouldn’t do that, but now I am a mom and I am realizing how naive I was about what it really means to be a parent.
It is scary to think that I might not ever be a mother for a second time. Or a third. Or a fourth. I wanted to have eight kids once upon a time. Eight. It seems nature has a different plan for me. At least I was lucky enough to be blessed with the perfect child before this fear became so real.
It is scary to think that maybe I will never be happy 100% of the time. Will it always be up and down? A beautiful ride down the hill, followed by an absolute battle to climb the mountain. Repeat. Repeat again.
It is scary to think that I am going to disappoint everyone that I love.
It is scary to think that everything I put online is being used to judge me. Sometimes I just want to disappear.
It is even scarier to think that nobody even cares what I put out there. Am I speaking to empty space and am I really as alone as I sometimes feel?
I guess I just want people to know that despite the fact that I share mostly the perfect moments from my life on my social media, I struggle. I have more joy and happiness than I could ever ask for, light fills my life. I have my share of heartbreak though. Things I am too afraid to share with anyone. It’s ok though. I promise I am not saying this all for pity, I just want people to know that I am real.
It always breaks my heart when I get messages on Instagram saying “I wish I was you.” I love being me, I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. BUT I do not want anyone else to wish they were me. No matter what our lives look like on the outside, we all struggle. We all have fears. If you aren’t afraid of anything, please, tell me your secret ASAP.
The secret is to focus on the good. Face your fears. Choose to do the things you want to do. Try to become better each day. Take time to pray, reflect or meditate. Always be kind, no matter how someone comes across, you never know what they are dealing with on the inside. Did I say FOCUS on the GOOD. I have to keep reminding myself of that one.
That’s my 99 cents for the day because it was way too long to be called 2 cents. I love you all and am always here to listen if anyone needs a friend. Hope you guys enjoy my cover of Hello by Adele xoxox <3
6 Responses
This post made get out of my chair and do something brave. I love your inspiration. I am keeping my big goal to myself for now. At times it helps to share and inspire ourselves and others. But at times we need to nourish our dream before we share and get cut down. I am brave enough to get moving forward and hopefully later I will share with other.
Awwww, I feel like that all the time! I want to be the first to know when you do share your dream – I am sure you will be successful. Love ya.
Rachael, I love hearing you and hearing from you. I love knowing that most of the time, your faith is stronger than your fear. I think that’s all that can be said about the best of us. I love looking back and seeing that a beautiful and fulfilling life is created one moment at a time, one challenge after another. I love realizing that life never stops teaching us important lessons and one lesson is that victory just means you get up one time more than you fall. Happiness doesn’t mean lack of sadness – it means that because of the sorrow, you can deeply feel and appreciate the joy in your life. You’re an amazing young woman and I feel blessed to know you.
You are so right! Thanks grandma. <3
This sweet, real and thoughtful post made me cry. I am constantly inspired by you Rachael!
<3 <3 <3