A Letter To Moms: I Wish You Knew How Amazing You Are

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I can’t tell you how hard I tried for the first few months of Zander’s life to keep the house clean, take care of both kids and manage my business at the same level as I used to. I was also doing the grocery shopping, paying bills, learning new music, exercising and trying to have a social life as well.

It was exhausting trying to keep up with life the way it was before our sweet new addition arrived. But I felt like it was all going really well, until somewhere around month three…

Sharing newborn responsibilities with dad by Rachael Burgess

Everything started to become a blur of breastfeeding, diaper changes, rare showers, which meant messy buns and dry shampoo, barely making deadlines for work, and tears… lots and lots of tears. It is hard for me to admit, but I felt like I was failing at every aspect of my life.

After an especially long week I sat Kris down for ‘a talk’ and told him between sobs how frustrated I was that I couldn’t do everything I wanted to do. I felt like I was trying to keep up with SO many different things and was failing at all of them. We talked for a long time about this, but there is one thing he said to me that I will never forget:

“I wish you could see how amazing you really are.”

Sharing newborn responsibilities with dad by Rachael Burgess

As I thought about that I knew it was a message I had to share with as many mommas as possible. So to you ladies out there who feel like you are just barely getting by, you moms who have sacrificed every semblance of self to raise beautiful little humans, and to those of you who know “mom-guilt” is really real, YOU ARE AMAZING. The fact that you are trying so hard and care so much is proof. You are doing the best you can and you should be so proud.

I also think it is important to let you know that it is OK to ask for help. You don’t have to be supermom all the time. This little tidbit of wisdom is also courtesy of my sweet husband. But I think he said it more like, “I can’t read your mind, you have to ask me if you need something…”, with a sigh and an eye roll 🙄😂💛. On that note, here are some easy ways you can share the newborn responsibilities with your husband.

Sharing newborn responsibilities with dad.

So much easier said than done, right?! Even when you have a willing husband, it can be difficult to teach the subtle nuance in the way you rock your baby to sleep. It is hard to explain the exact position to place the blankets. Learning to recognize your baby’s cries and what they need at any given time is almost an art. And then there is the big one: dads don’t have the boobs/food. But after ‘the talk’ Kris and I had recently, I decided it was definitely time to ask him for a little more help.

Despite spending 60+ hours a week at the hospital, and the rest of his free time studying, Kris was more than willing to help out. I think most dads are if you just ask. So together we sat down and came up with three simple ways we can share the HUGE responsibility of raising a newborn.

Sharing newborn responsibilities with dad by Rachael Burgess

Sharing Responsibilities Part 1: FEEDING

The first step for me was finding a formula that he could give Zander. That way I could be free to fly solo now and then. After trying a few different kinds I ultimately went with Plum Organics® Grow Well® Infant Formula. I still breast feed 99% of the time. But I have this on hand if I need to leave the babe with Kris, or if I just need a little breastfeeding break.

Sharing newborn responsibilities with dad by Rachael Burgess

My reason was simple, Zander likes it (he hated the other stuff I tried!). And I like it too because: It is organic. The first ingredient isn’t corn syrup, like so many other formulas out there. Actually it has no corn syrup solids at all. The lactose is derived completely from cows milk. They also only use milk from cows not treated with rBST*.

From Plum: *While no significant difference has been shown between milk derived from rBST-treated and non-rBST treated cows, we chose to make our formula with milk from non-rBST treated cows.

Even though I mostly breastfeed, it has been great to have this on hand just in case. I got it at Safeway using a coupon that they give you if you sign up for a Safeway account. Click here to sign up for an account and get that, or just click on the coupon, I will include it below.

Sharing newborn responsibilities with dad by Rachael BurgessSharing newborn responsibilities with dad by Rachael Burgess

Also – side note – since I am sure some of you will wonder this. I had already established breastfeeding with Zander before introducing a bottle or formula and so it didn’t effect his desire or ability to nurse normally at all.

Sharing Responsibilities Part 2: ALONE TIME

The second thing I have been trying to do is get 30 minutes to an hour every day BY MYSELF. This doesn’t happen every day. But when Kris finishes studying he has been really great at making sure I go upstairs and take a hot bath or do something relaxing and totally alone.

I realized I am a way happier mama if I can get a few minutes of alone time now and then. Sometimes even ten minutes away from those cute little faces can help you realize just how cute those little faces are.

Sharing newborn responsibilities with dad by Rachael Burgess

Sharing Responsibilities Part 3: STOP BACKSEAT DRIVING

This one is particularly hard for me. I am trying not to be a ‘parental backseat driver’. If Kris steps in to do some parenting I try not to ‘correct’ him. The truth is neither of our ways of doing certain things are right or wrong, they are just different. He has a different process for getting meal time, pj’s and teeth brushed than I do and that is totally ok.

Kids are very habitual and like routines, which is why I have a hard time not stepping in. Zoey will give me a confused face sometimes that totally says, “Hey mom, do I really have to listen to him?” because she is so used to me being the parent most the time. We are trying to teach our kids to respect and listen to both their parents equally, even if they don’t spend equal amounts of time with each of us.

Sharing newborn responsibilities with dad by Rachael Burgess

It is hard for me to share posts like this, admitting how hard it really is for me to keep up with everything I have on my plate. But I think it is so important for us moms to band together and realize that none of us have it easy. We all struggle now and then and that doesn’t in any way take away from our individual awesomeness.

I really hope these few tips I shared on sharing parenting responsibilities help some of you out. I have really noticed a difference in my overall quality of life since Kris and I have been doing this.

Have you ever felt totally overwhelmed as a mom? What helped you? Does anyone else combination breast and bottle feed in order to get a break now and then? Let me know in the comments!

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8 Responses

  1. Everyday. We had a terrible time with my second with nursing around 6 months or so, the only bottle he would take was those pre prepared ones. Didn’t matter if it had breast milk in it (at the time I had quite the store on the freezer) he would only take those… it was so hard. I spent a lot of time crying and my sweet husband spent a lot of time trying to convince the kid he didn’t need mom. Now that we’re expecting #3 he does a lot of the cleaning to help pick up the exhaustion slack. Some days I just want to send the kids away so I can get a grip on our home… but we’re a team and we manage ok 😛

    1. It is always a bit of a struggle and I think that is what makes it so beautiful in a way. You really have to put your whole heart and soul into it – and sacrifice a lot. You guys are doing great – good luck with number three!!!

  2. I think we’ve all felt like that at some point along the way, at least I have! I’m so glad you found something that works for your sweet family! You’re doing awesome! [client]

  3. After 25 years of being a parent and still having young children, this is still such great advice and good reminders!

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